Both of Us
by Laetans
Summary: "Having Lisanna in his arms gave Natsu the courage to admit to himself that it felt like an end and he couldn't bear the thought of that. The idea that she might disappear from his life again scared him, even if it was distance instead of death that threatened to take her away." - NaLi
1. A Decision

Anyone who knew anything about Natsu knew he had a bad temper, but on his last trip away from the guild, he'd gone far enough that he was questioned by the Council. A dark mage nearly died from the sheer amount of force and the number of times Natsu slugged him in the head, and when it was over, he was covered in blood and still so angry he could barely think.

Natsu felt like if he hadn't been stopped, maybe the mage would have died.

This dark mage ended up on the receiving end of Natsu's darkest rage because he'd captured Lisanna and at that time, thought breaking Natsu's morale by telling her he'd killed Lisanna was a path to victory. Even days after the incident, he couldn't deal with all the feelings that were dredged up.

Natsu felt ashamed that Lisanna had seen him like that, ashamed of himself, and most of all, shaken by the memories of that day he and Happy came home and everyone was crying because it was believed that she had died.

He'd taken a few days off, but even when he returned to the guild, his hands were bandaged because they were so cut up from the beating. Thankfully, nobody gave him any lectures, but the place was abuzz. People were talking quickly and quietly and in a way that it seemed like he wasn't supposed to hear what was being said.

In fact, the more he looked around, the more he realized that everyone was watching him. There were few in the guild whose eyes weren't trained on him, and they didn't seem sad; they just seemed…_interested_. Was it because they found out what he'd done? It wasn't exactly news that he lost his temper a lot, but he'd brought enemies closer to death in the past when forced to do so.

"What's going on, Natsu?" Happy asked.

"I dunno, Happy."

Natsu wanted to know what was going on, so he and Happy made their way to a table where Gray was sitting alone with a drink and a notebook, writing an account of his latest job down for the client.

"Gray, what's…what's going on?!" the Exceed inquired as he dropped onto the table.

The ice mage answered, "Lisanna left the guild, Natsu. Everyone is apparently way too interested in how you're going to respond."

It felt like a punch to the gut.

"Why? Is it because…" he stammered as his fist slammed into the table.

Gray answered, "It's not like she…" _died? _Yeah, even he knew not to say that, even in passing. "She's not going away or anything. I think she just decided she didn't want to be a professional wizard."

"But!"

Mirajane called his name from behind the bar and Natsu ran to her.

"Mira, is it true? Lisanna isn't in Fairy Tail anymore?"

"Would you go for a walk with me, Natsu? For privacy's sake. If you could leave Happy here for now, that would be a good idea I think."

Natsu was gripped his scarf, and anyone that had known him for a really long time knew that he did this when he was really upset about something. The scarf was his only inheritance from Igneel, so it made sense to Mirajane that he would try to take comfort in it.

After he nodded, he wordlessly followed her, unable to accept the idea that he'd done something bad and now Lisanna was gone again. Maybe she wasn't dead, but she wasn't going to be there anymore and he needed her to be. Even if he hadn't had it in him to become close to her again, just looking at her gave him strength because then he knew she was there and she was okay.

The dragon slayer felt like he _needed _her to be there so he could just set his eyes on her and remind himself that Lisanna was alive and well. He needed to see her smile even if he wasn't the one making her happy, and he needed to be around her scent because it reminded him that he shouldn't have the pain anymore.

At the same time, since Lisanna's return, he mostly observed her from a distance. There was a part of him that was absolutely terrified of becoming close to her again, because he couldn't deal with the pain of losing her. Natsu felt like a part of him died when he thought she had, and it wasn't like everything just went back to being great and happy because she returned.

After they'd been walking for a couple of minutes, Mirajane said, "First of all, thank you for going after Lisanna when she didn't come back from her job on time. I was with Master at the guildmaster's meeting, and Elfman was on a job with Evergreen, so we're so very thankful you were there for her."

Natsu didn't say anything at all to this.

"I was wondering if you could tell me what happened?"

When his face disappeared further under his scarf, she knew he really didn't want to talk about it. Yet instead of shutting down completely as Mira suspected he would, he asked, "Lisanna wasn't hurt, was she?"

"You saw her, Natsu. She had a couple of bruises, but nothing serious."

The young man felt embarrassed, awkward, but at the same time, he couldn't just leave the subject alone. "That's not what I mean. That guy…he said…" He couldn't finish the sentence at first, but a tremble of rage helped force the words from his lips. "He said he forced himself on Lisanna, and that when he was…_done_…he cut her throat. Is that why she's leaving?"

This was the first Mira had heard about a rape being involved, because Lisanna hadn't said anything. Whether that meant it hadn't happened or she just decided not to tell anyone was the big question, and considering how quickly Lisanna decided to leave the guild, her older sister couldn't help but wonder if maybe this had also been a part of that decision. At the same time, her throat hadn't been slit either, so it might have just been another bluff and she certainly didn't want to let an issue like that exist in the complicated relationship that her sister and Natsu had.

"Lisanna didn't say anything to me about that, Natsu. You shouldn't ask her about it. I doubt it happened, but if it did, I think she would want to hide it from you because of the way she feels about you."

"What the hell does that even mean?" he angrily spat. "Why would she want to hide anything from me?"

Mirajane started walking again. "Natsu, there are a lot of things you don't understand about my sister. If you'd been close to her since she came back, you'd understand that it's not a big surprise to Elfman and me that she made this choice."

"It's my fault she left? She's gone because I stayed away?"

"No, that's not it at all. She's not like you, Natsu. She's a sweet girl, who is gentle, kind, and loving. Lisanna doesn't like travelling away from home so much, or fighting, or any of the things that come with the life of a wizard. If you think back, can you ever remember her saying she wanted to become a wizard? Lisanna likes magic, and she loves everyone at Fairy Tail, but her heart was never in it," she explained.

When he stopped walking, she turned and watched as he seemed to sink into his own memories. There were memories where he and Lisanna played house, memories where she teased him about becoming his wife someday, memories where she basically insisted Happy was like their child, memories where they nursed a baby bird back to health, memories where she spoke about having kids of her own someday, and as hard as he tried, he couldn't remember even one where she talked about being a wizard.

When he realized the truth, he felt so stupid for not noticing. Even when he had to mourn her, he hated the loss of that future she spoke of, and in darker moments, he thought about what it would be like to grow up and have that life even though it filled him with grief and bitterness.

When his feet started moving again, he didn't say anything for a long time, and when he did, "Why did Lisanna stay if she didn't want to be a wizard?"

Mirajane took his hands into hers. "That's something you need to ask her. This is where she works now." When she let him go, she started back towards the guild, giving her sister a little smile that went unnoticed.

Natsu looked over at the school that he passed every day on the way to Fairy Tail and saw Lisanna, who was looking after a group of tiny children while they played.

"Lisanna!" he called as he jumped the fence.

When she looked up, she seemed a little nervous at first, but then smiled and waved. She was worried having a strange guy come around might get her in trouble, but literally everyone in Magnolia knew and loved Natsu, one of Fairy Tail's best. "Hi, Natsu!"

When he opened his mouth to tell her she needed to rejoin Fairy Tail, he remembered what Mirajane had told him and his own memories. Since it was obvious Mirajane told him that so he wouldn't try to convince her to rejoin the guild, the things he wanted to shout at the top of his lungs about how she should rejoin the guild died on his tongue.

Since Lisanna loved to take care of others and had spoken probably a hundred times to him about kids and never about being a wizard, he decided she was probably happier where she was than at the guild hall that was filled with violence and drinking.

He didn't know what to say to her, really, and he didn't know how to accept that she belonged somewhere other than Fairy Tail.

"So you already got a job?" he asked, feeling like kind of an idiot.

"Mhmm. I actually applied here about six months ago, but I changed my mind. When I came by a couple of days ago, they were really happy I was available because one of their teachers had to quit suddenly. I'm in charge of ten four-year-olds. I look after them during the day and help them start to learn things like how to hold writing instruments and numbers," she excitedly said.

For some reason, he felt like shit and he felt selfish because he wanted her to come back just so she would still be there. But what then? She could be a wizard and be in danger, or maybe she could be a waitress like Kinana and just serve booze all damn day while guys made perverted comments about how hot she was now that she was grown up.

Natsu felt like he was losing Lisanna again and he couldn't do anything to stop it. She'd slipped through his fingers and out of the world he lived in and all he could do was stand there and realize that she'd be happier where she was than in that world where he wanted her to exist.

The sad, helpless look that formed on his face was enough to make Lisanna's eyes water.

Then Natsu saw something from the corner of his eye and made a lightning-fast move to catch a little boy that leaned too far off the slide and fell. It was a welcome distraction, and Natsu put him down on his feet and gave him a pat on the head. "Be careful, okay?"

"Thank you," Lisanna mouthed to him as she took the boy by the hand.

"Michael, remember the rules about the slide. You go up the steps and slide right down on your bottom. If you do that again, you could get hurt. Like this."

Lisanna held onto the boy's hand as he went back up to the slide and then instructed him on using it properly. Natsu watched until he felt someone tug on his finger and looked down to find a tiny little brunette staring up at him.

"Hi, Mister. What's your name?"

"Natsu. What's yours?"

"Mandy. I like pink. Your hair is pink. Why is your hair pink?"

Natsu had often wondered this himself as he'd been teased a fair amount about it by Gray when he first came to Fairy Tail. "I dunno, actually. But, I like pink too. Don't tell anyone," he answered, holding a finger to his lips. "It's my ninja secret, nin-nin!"

She grabbed onto his finger tightly with one hand and pointed to a slide in another part of the playground that was fenced off and had equipment clearly designed for older children. "Can we?"

"You want to go on the big slide? That looks like fun, actually."

He looked over and found Lisanna swamped in a crowd of tiny little people that looked upon her with adoring eyes, like she was the best person that had ever existed. "Oy, Lisanna, can we go on the big slide?"

"I-I guess so, but Natsu, are you sure that's a good idea?" asked the woman who knew better than he that said slide was going to end with him nauseated at the bottom.

"All right! Let's go!"

Natsu and his newfound companion excitedly left in the direction of the big slide, and exactly one minute later, Natsu was face-down in the sand and the girl tugged on Lisanna's dress. "Mr. Bratsu has a booboo."

Lisanna sighed. "Mr. Bratsu will be okay. Mr. Bratsu has an upset tummy."

"Will he throw-up?"

"I really hope not."

Lisanna knew well that working with such young children, she would inevitably have to deal with all kinds of bodily fluids. Bathroom accidents, snotty noses, and yes, vomit were expected, but if Natsu was the first person to puke at her new workplace, well, she would probably just sigh and move on and tease him about it at some point in the future.

If she was even going to see him much in the future…

Playtime came to an end, and when she called for everyone to line up, she found the caboose of her little train of four-year-olds was Natsu, who just kind of followed along because he still wanted to talk to her.

There was snack time then, and then nap time, during which the children were watched by an elderly teacher in the Nap Room while Lisanna had time to prepare her classroom for learning, which gave them a chance to talk alone.

"Do you need help with anything?" he asked.

"I just need to put out crayons and paper at these tables. There's not much for you to do," she said.

Natsu sat down on one of the mats and watched her work. "Is this what you really wanted all along?"

She looked up at him and smiled. "You probably think it's really stupid, don't you?"

"I don't! I just…somehow I didn't realize. I feel stupid for that."

Yet, the more he thought about it, the more he understood that she was in a place that was probably a lot better for her. Lisanna was actually kind of delicate in a way, and for some reason, he felt like living a life she didn't want would eventually take that away. He didn't want that.

The preschool was so grossly removed from the world he walked in that it felt strange. Everything seemed happy, hopeful, and safe. Lisanna left the life where she had to fight for survival, or money, or anything else, for one where her main duty was to nurture and look after others. Here, no one would hit her, or hurt her, or even threaten to hurt her. And he wouldn't have to worry anymore, because she wouldn't be in danger.

Natsu thought about all the times he'd been beaten up, yelled at, threatened, and pushed beyond the limits of what he thought he could handle and realized he didn't wish his life on anybody, not even his enemies – but especially not Lisanna. It took a special breed of human to contend with the life of magic, and he knew in his heart that she wasn't that kind of person and he was.

Alive or dead, they'd always been destined to part ways, and something about understanding that broke his heart in a way he didn't want to be broken again.

Lisanna's eyes started watering again when she saw his expression. "Don't look at me like that, Natsu. You can come visit me whenever you want. I still live with Mira and Elfman too. I'm not moving away, I'm just getting a different job, that's all."

Since it felt like a million of his emotional scabs had been pulled off already, he decided he couldn't really stay any longer or things were going to happen and words would escape that he wanted to keep inside of him forever. If she was in a place that would make her happy, that was good enough. It had to be, right?

As he stood and prepared to leave, he really just had one thing left to ask her. "I was wondering…if you weren't happy at Fairy Tail, why did you stay as long as you did? Now when I think about it, maybe you knew a long time ago that it wasn't the right place for you."

This question caused Lisanna to freeze for a moment, and she didn't look up when she answered him. "Well, Fairy Tail is the only family that I've ever known. I was hesitant to leave them. That's all."

"That's a lie, Lisanna. I know you well enough to know that."

Those big, sad blue eyes met his. "I felt that way even before the anima took me to Edolas. We were fifteen and I had all these feelings. I just wanted to be close to you, but when I finally got back, I realized things would never be the same. I needed to still see your face when you were around, but after what happened, I realized this isn't good for me or you."

Then, she walked up to him and gave him a big hug, and he realized for the first time in ever that as adults, she was actually kind of small compared to him. He wrapped his arms around her, and he didn't know what to say, or if anything should be said.

And as Lisanna embraced him, she felt…strangely lost. For her, the decision to leave the guild was a silent acknowledgement that she and Natsu weren't good for each other. They almost never spoke even though they watched each other a lot, and as wonderful as their childhood years had been together, things were never going to be the same. For him, she stayed in a lifestyle she didn't want and for her, he had suffered too. Seeing his face all twisted in pain and anger when he saved her was more than enough to convince her that it was time to close that chapter of their lives for good.

"You take care of yourself, okay?"

What the dragon slayer wanted to say is that no, it wasn't okay. Nothing about what was happening was okay with him and he didn't even know how any of it could be made right. If she would be happier away from the guild, then he wanted her to be away from the guild. Yet, even if they weren't close, he still wanted her to be there in his life so he could just remember her.

Lisanna's scent would soon disappear from the guild, and then, he'd only be able to see or smell her if he visited her, and that went very contrary to his rule of keeping a lot of distance between them. It was painful for him, and he knew even then that if he didn't want her vanish from his life completely, he'd have to face a lot of things that he didn't want to deal with.

Having Lisanna in his arms gave Natsu the courage to admit to himself that it felt like an end and he couldn't bear the thought of that. The idea that she might disappear from his life again scared him, even if it was distance instead of death that threatened to take her away.

Natsu didn't want Lisanna to go away again in any way, shape, or form, but he couldn't bring himself to say it, so he broke the hug and he wished her well like she was just some person that meant not a lot to him as he left.


	2. A Memory

_**Three Years Ago**_

The summer sun was just warm enough, and a cool wind breeze brew constantly across the little field near Happy's hut, where Lisanna, Natsu, and Happy had a picnic on a big blanket.

Happy, who was still growing then, ate so much that he wandered off into the hut to take a nap, and the two teenagers lay back on the blanket and looked up at a bright blue sky dotted in picturesque fluffy clouds.

As they rested there together, basking in the warmth of the sun and each other's company, Natsu felt her lips press against his cheek just before she giggled and leapt up to run across the field.

Absolutely stupefied, he laid there for a second holding his cheek, wondering if she'd really just kissed him. They were fifteen, so of course he'd thought about it so many times, along with all kinds of other things that came with becoming a young man. He didn't know if it was okay for him to want to kiss her so badly it was all he could think about, but now she'd kissed him, and then she had the nerve to run away giggling.

"Hey, Lisanna!"

The young dragon slayer jumped up and started to chase after her while she laughed. Natsu could never help himself; he always let her pull him into her games.

This was the Lisanna Strauss that he'd grown to love over the course of almost four years: playful, giggly, kind, and so caring that as long as she was there, he felt like he didn't need anybody else in the world.

Just as he caught up to her, she tripped and he tried to grab her, but they ended falling. The next thing he knew, he was on top of her, propped up on his hands, and her cheeks were so red even though she still seemed to be in a state of glee.

Lisanna reached up with one hand and stroked his face, because he was looking at her the way a man looked at a woman he loved and not the way one kid glared at another for making them fall. That look in his eyes always made her feel happy. "N-Natsu…"

When he felt her hand on his face, his eyes fluttered shut and he bent down and kissed her.

It was suddenly not enough to just kiss her once, and because it was Lisanna, he felt safe to just linger there in that state of euphoria as they kissed. Their four years together already felt like a lifetime, and they'd grown up together from being children that played house to young adults who loved each other so much that it never had to be uttered.

Natsu kissed her until he couldn't breathe anymore and he felt like his cheeks were going to burst into flames. Then, he rolled off of her and stared back up at the sky in an effort to not look at Lisanna while she was blushing and her lips seemed to be a little redder than normal, like they wanted him to keep kissing them.

She put her head on his shoulder. "You have no idea how long I've wanted you to kiss me like that."

"W-Well…you have no idea how long I've wanted to do it!" he nervously stammered in reply. "What did you do to me, Lisanna? I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest."

"Me too," she said, "isn't it the most amazing feeling? Let's do it again, okay?"

This time, she leaned over him and kissed him softly on the lips as her upper body leaned against him. For both of them, it was dizzying, amazing, exciting, and nothing short of heaven.

Natsu tried sitting up and somehow Lisanna ended up in his lap where they spent the better part of an hour just kissing. It went through cycles where it was sweet and soft, and moments where it was almost too hot to take, and times where they just pressed their foreheads together and panted to catch their breath just so they could keep kissing.

The kiss finally broke and she rested against him, seeming almost subdued in his arms. "Natsu?"

"Yeah?" he whispered as he looked down at her.

"In a year or two, do you think we could get married? My mom was only sixteen when she got married, you know. I think people who are young can be so much in love that it doesn't feel right for them to keep living apart anymore."

That was something they could both understand; it didn't even really need much explanation. Even when they were young, they were _always _together as much as they could be. Sometimes they even slept together in the hut with Happy for no reason other than the fact that they were always happy together.

At the same time, they'd both grown up a lot, gotten hormones, and nothing had changed except that they only wanted to be together more.

Lisanna felt like if she could always be close to him, they'd be happy in life. To wake up every day beside Natsu and go to bed with him at night? Maybe no one else understood their relationship, but she did, and Natsu did and their lives were so tangled together that she wanted to join her dreams with his.

That was also the dream in Natsu's heart, even if he'd always been too shy to say it. For some reason, after Igneel left him, he was never capable of asking anyone to stay with him. Maybe he was afraid he'd get rejected, but didn't really understand himself. The great thing about Lisanna was that she knew him so well that she could hear all the things he wasn't saying to her.

Lisanna smiled and brought her face close to his again. "We could live in a tiny little house together. You, me, and Happy. I bet you're going to be really strong, even stronger than Macao someday, but it's not good for people to have to be strong alone all the time. So I'll be there to support you and take care of you and make sure you have someone who loves you to come home to."

"But married people, they…"

Lisanna's cheeks lit up again and she kissed him on the cheek. "Don't you want to?"

"But…but…"

_Of course he wanted to._

That didn't mean he could admit it, not even when Lisanna told him in the sweetest way that she wanted to give herself to him, subtext that he had not missed.

She was a master of being sweet and wonderful, and he was a master of pretty much absolutely nothing when it came to them. He blushed a lot, he couldn't talk about his feelings, and he was clumsy all around when it came to her no matter how much he tried not to be.

Could he see himself being happy going to bed with her and living all of his life by her side? It almost sounded too good to be true. There were things in their lives that were ugly and raw, but as long as they were together, he could always find a way to be happy. To always have Lisanna at his side in life? That was the closest thing to perfect he felt like he'd ever have.

When he saw a little yellow flower, he plucked it and gave it to her, and she tucked it behind one of her ears and kissed him on the tip of the nose.

This was the last happy memory they had together.

XXX

The next day was the last time Natsu and Lisanna saw each other before she went to Edolas, and even then, it was only to wave goodbye. During the course of the two-week time they were gone, Natsu did something that put flesh on the bones of their dream by buying a rundown old shack on the edge of town. He was so excited to tell her about it, because he felt like she'd be really happy.

It was the place where their dream was supposed to happen.

That shack became the corpse of their relationship, and even though it bothered the hell out of him and he often slept elsewhere, Natsu could never just get rid of it. It remained in a state of disrepair and was filled with garbage.

As an eighteen-year-old, he tried to sooth his soul by sitting in that place and telling himself that their relationship wasn't real – that it was just some cutesy fantasy between two kids. Despite his best efforts, he could never sell his own lies to himself. Fifteen was old enough to be in love, and fifteen was old enough to have all one's dreams broken into tiny pieces.

Lisanna came back. Those dreams? They died even if she didn't and there wasn't a damn thing anybody could do about it.

At the same time, Natsu absolutely hated it when other people tried to write off his relationship with Lisanna like it was some pointless little kid thing. It made him angry to the point of spitting blood, because no one knew how strong they'd been for each other, and how out of the agony he felt from being abandoned, Lisanna gave him happiness and a dream where he wouldn't be lonely anymore.

On the night after he saw Lisanna at her new job, Natsu tried to focus on the sound of the rain to calm him, while she sat on her bed at the Strauss home surrounded by pictures of her and the boy she fell in love with when she was eleven.

Elfman came in to her room when she didn't come down for dinner and saw her seemingly lost amidst memories of the past. "Lisanna, maybe you should put these away for a while. Eat some dinner and get to bed."

"Do you think I'm stupid, Elfman? For being sad over something that happened so long ago?"

"You were so young then, Lisanna…"

"My feelings won't go away, even if I want them too," she cried, "Maybe it's not just my feelings. It's remembering what things used to be like that hurts more than anything."

Lisanna sat there bawling her eyes out over a romance that had been over for almost three years, and he didn't know what to say or do to comfort her. Even he knew that there was something special about what Lisanna and Natsu had, but when she came back, neither of them made any move to rekindle whatever was there – if it even ever went out.

Elfman sat down on the edge of her bed and picked up a picture of her snuggling Happy while she and Natsu were smiling so happily. "I'm sorry, Lisanna. Do you blame me?"

There was a long silence, but she managed to say, "I love you, Elfman. You're my brother."

That wasn't the question that he asked, but her answer said enough. "There's something you don't know about. Not even Mira knows."

He lifted up his shirt and showed her an ugly scar on his side. "I tell people I got this scar on that mission, but it happened after that. I have another one on my back, and on my leg, and this here on my throat," he said, pointing to a scar on his neck."

"What happened to you, Elfman?"

"The night that he found out that you weren't coming home to him and that it was my fault, Natsu came after me. Before then, I'd never thought he might be powerful enough to hurt me like I was then, but he was absolutely terrifying. He would have killed me, Lisanna, but in the end, his hands started shaking and he said 'I can't kill anyone she loved.'

"After that, he was never cross with me again. When you went away, he kept himself from being angry or hateful, and he didn't let it destroy him like it did me. He's a man, Lisanna."

She slid off her bed and started to gently collect her pictures. "I'm not strong enough. The thing about Natsu is that when it comes to his feelings, he's really not brave at all. It was the one thing….it was the one thing I was good at being brave about. Maybe he was the big strong guy that could beat everybody up, but I was the one who was strong when it came to feelings."

Elfman knew that he'd never really understand how much his mistake cost any of them, but watching his baby sister cry her eyes out over a boy that had quite literally broken when she went away was harder than he ever imagined it might be.

Lisanna and Natsu, at that time in their lives, were always together, but they didn't tell anyone about their relationship. When they got to be thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, he wondered, but Lisanna treated it like some sacred secret where not even her older siblings were allowed to know about the feelings she shared with Natsu. Mirajane told him she felt it came from how protective Natsu was over his feelings, and whether intentional or not, Lisanna protected the things he shared with her by making their relationship their business and their business alone.

"Can I be alone right now?" she asked.

"Sure. I'll keep some dinner warm on the stove in case you get hungry."

When everyone was else in the house fell asleep and Lisanna couldn't, she felt the urge to go back to the place where she and Natsu were once so happy. They were at the end of all things, and for both her sake and Natsu's, she felt like it was time to bury the past. She didn't have to let it go because it was sad; she could accept the things in life that were tragic. The thing that was truly unbearable is that the past was so happy and she could never go back to or recreate the joy she once shared with Natsu.

She walked to the park with an umbrella and a tin box filled with photographs, pausing briefly in front of the hut where she and Natsu had so many memories. There were cracks in it and rain poured inside because no one had taken care of it or even used it in years. Near it was a memorial to her that Natsu made for her, because this little area was where they grew up together and had so many happy memories.

Or maybe, Natsu put it where he did because it was the place where their dreams were born. Here, they'd grown from sad children into young adults with bright dreams of a happy future that was never going to come.

A hand grabbed her arm and she dropped the umbrella and let out a short scream before she realized the person who grabbed her was none other than Natsu.

He was soaked to the bone as he stood there in the near pitch-dark rain in the place where there had been so many happy, sunny days together that she couldn't even remember them all.

Now, they were older, miserable, and drawn back to the place of their happiness by the catalyst that would sever whatever was left, and they still couldn't say anything meaningful.

"H-Hi. What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I just decided I needed some fresh air, that's all."

Lisanna nodded. "Me too."

But then, she said, "Elfman told me you hurt him back then. You should apologize. I'm back, so everything is okay, isn't it?"

His features darkened and he tightened his hands into fists. "I'll never apologize, because I'm never going to get back what I lost."

Lisanna wanted to defend her brother, but she felt like it wouldn't do any good. Even she knew she was probably sucked into the anima because being injured weakened her. Natsu was smart enough to come to the same conclusion.

Then, a moment of honesty:

"Lisanna, do you ever think about what we'd be doing right now if none of that ever happened?" Natsu asked, putting a hand over his heart like he was trying to keep those thoughts trapped inside.

The way she practically melted into a puddle of inconsolable goo at the question was enough of an answer. "Is that so wrong?" she cried, "You were my first and best friend, and we used to cling to each other when things were bad. Now we can't even be honest with each other."

There were a lot of things Natsu was capable of handling, but he honestly felt like he'd rather have an arm broken than have to watch her weep in the rain. He pulled her against his chest and tried to come up with some words to make her feel better, because she was his first and best friend too.

"Don't cry over this. It was a long time ago. We were just kids. It doesn't matter anymore, does it?" he asked, unaware that he'd clenched one of his hands in her shirt at the mere idea that all these feelings were just a reflection on a silly childhood romance.

More hurtful words had never been uttered to Lisanna.

To hear that friend who she was supposed to live together with forever in happiness, say that none of it mattered anymore? She couldn't take that. It made her angry, and for the first and only time in her life, she slapped him in the face.

It wasn't a light slap, either, and by the time his mind registered that sweet little Lisanna actually struck hard enough that he knew he'd be wearing her handprint for a while, she had dropped the tin of pictures and run away from him.

As soon as it happened, the now slightly wounded dragon slayer felt ashamed of himself, and he wanted to apologize, but then he saw the container spilled at his feet. Since it was raining, he bent down to salvage the contents of the tin first, but when he saw it was a picture of the two of them together, he couldn't help but remember when it was taken.

He had a handful of beautiful memories in his hands within a few seconds and the rain was ruining them. A sense of panic rose in him because he felt that if the rain ruined the photos, it was almost like those things never happened. So he rushed to save them, drying them on his scarf before he put them back in the tin.

The last one was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Sides of the photo were weak and worn, like she'd spent an eternity just holding it in her hands and staring at it.

There was a little yellow flower tucked behind her ear.

Natsu's movements slowed to the point that he felt like he could barely move his limbs as he put the precious photo away and then wrapped the little tin box in his scarf to protect it.

"LISANNA!" he all but screamed in her direction as she continued running from him.

It didn't take him long to catch up to her, and when he did, she tripped on a rock she couldn't see in the dark. Natsu grabbed her hand, they rolled down a familiar hill, and at the bottom, they found themselves in the exact same place in the exact same position they were on the day that continued to haunt both of them.

The tin was safely protected by the scarf not far from them, but Natsu didn't even look up. He just laid there on top of her trembling, because he'd been trying to forget a moment that looked like this one for so long. Then he saw she was equally affected by this, and they just stayed there.

Natsu felt like this was the most terrifying moment of his life, and he knew he was doing a really bad job of hiding it.

As it had always been, Lisanna reached out to him.

The woman who couldn't bring herself to talk to Natsu reached up a shaking hand to touch his face, just like she'd done back then, but much more slowly, and cautiously, because it had been so long since she really touched him in an affectionate way.

When he felt her caress, he realized that for almost three years, he'd lived without her comfort. For three years, he was strong for everyone else, and he could never be weak, because there was no one to pick him up. It was exhausting to be everyone else's hero and never have anyone who just made him feel better – like a human, like a guy, like someone who was allowed to have these moments where he wasn't Natsu the Unstoppable.

Who in the hell would want to live that kind of life? Not him, never him. He'd never wanted it, not one day in his life. Being a pillar of strength and courage for his guild was important, but he wasn't a monster and there was no one else he could ever trust with his emotions.

Natsu didn't want to keep living the rest of his life like that. He didn't even want to spent the next five minutes living like that.

The way Lisanna stroked his face was in that dark, scary moment was different than it had been on that perfect sunny day.

So was the way Natsu kissed her.

_**Special thanks to Vanny, Lyssla (!), Lucifer.94, anon, and ChedderChez for reviewing.**_


	3. A Resurgence

There were so many words that neither of them could manage to say.

Lisanna thought the fact that she couldn't bring herself to utter the words that they'd never reach Natsu. But there in the rain, she remembered something she'd forgotten in Edolas: it was never about words. Their bond was built on feeling and commitment that needed no words to explain because the actions were always more than enough.

The way he kissed her told her how much he'd missed her, and the way she clung to him desperately told him that he wasn't the only one who suffered when she went away.

Natsu wanted to tell her that the pain of losing her was worse than anything he had ever experienced in his life, but if there was ever a moment where he could share that, it wasn't right then where they were somehow together there in the dark, cold rain. Maybe it wasn't sunny and they weren't happy, but they were miserable together, which was actually better than being happy alone – if that was even something that was possible.

He pulled her up into his lap, put his hands on her face, and just stared at her because it was the first moment that it felt like she was truly back.

When she shivered, he remembered that Lisanna got sick fairly easy and said, "Let me take you home, okay?"

"I'm afraid if I leave that tomorrow it'll be like tonight never happened," she answered.

"Trust me, okay?" With the intensity in his eyes and that low, steady voice, she felt like it was truly impossible for her to not just go along with anything he had to say, as long as he could say it like that.

When she tried to stand, she suddenly noticed a horrible, sharp pain in her ankle from falling. "Ouch! I think I twisted my ankle a little. It's not bad though. I can still walk."

Natsu crouched in front of her. "Let me carry you. It's a long way, and you're not alone anymore, Lisanna."

The young woman felt her lip tremble at those words, but she grabbed the tin of photos wrapped in his scarf and carefully jumped into Natsu's back.

Her weight felt like nothing to him, and when he walked back to the umbrella and picked it up, she held it over both of them as he walked her down a familiar route he hadn't travelled since her disappearance.

When they arrived at the Strauss home, he found a little vine Elfman planted had grown to cover almost one side of the house in the ten years or so that had passed since he'd last visited their house. Even if seven of those were spent sealed away on Tenrou Island, the rest of the world had moved forward without them.

Vine or no vine, his fingers remembered where to reach through the vegetation to find places to grip the stones on the side of the building. He climbed up to Lisanna's window and she opened it so they could both crawl inside.

Natsu stood there dripping wet in the warmth of a place where he'd found peace many times in his younger years. Contrary to popular thought, Lucy was not the first girl that he'd menaced with late-night break-ins and unauthorized sleep-overs.

That habit was a relic of the days when he'd wake up after having a bad dream about Igneel and he felt so alone that he couldn't bear it. So when he finally had a friend, he would come to her on those nights and fall asleep next to her so he didn't feel alone.

Lisanna usually didn't notice him until morning because she had a huge bed. Her parents were famous wizards that left a big, beautiful home for their children, including their grossly over-indulged baby. Her bedroom was like something he expected a princess to have. Everything was soft, luxurious, and most everything was pink.

"This brings back a lot of memories."

When she disappeared into her big closet to change out of her wet clothes, he used fire magic to dry himself off and looked around to find few things had changed. When she emerged from the closet in a nightshirt while she towel-dried her hair, he found something weirdly cute about the image before him.

He'd forgotten her affinity for nightclothes emblazoned with silly looking animals somehow.

"I think my brother saved some dinner for me. You know how they are. Elfman still assumes I have the same appetite he does. Are you hungry?" Then, she remembered that she was talking to _Natsu_, who could probably have made a lucrative living as a competition eater if wizardry didn't work out. "I'll be back."

Food, warmth, Lisanna's scent? There was a time when he quite literally would have died just to experience these things again, although it was bittersweet. Eating leftover food and drinking juice with her on her huge fluffy bed almost made him feel like nothing had ever happened, but he could never pretend life hadn't been cruel to them.

The meal passed mostly in silence since both Lisanna and Natsu were deep in thought and unsure of what the next move was. There was mutual desire for things to not just end, but that didn't mean the path forward seemed easy.

After the food was gone, Natsu made some half-assed comment about how good Elfman's cooking was, and Lisanna smiled at him, but after that, neither knew what to say.

Natsu's mind drifted back to how he'd kissed her, and he touched his lips. "What happens now?"

"I don't know. All I know is that earlier when you kissed me, I felt happy. Really happy. Like everything could be okay. I guess I'm naïve."

"I'm like that too though. The idea of just being with someone because I care about them and it makes me happy is something I can understand. What I don't understand is all this other _stuff."_

Lisanna merely nodded at that statement.

Natsu stood up and decided he wanted to leave again, because he didn't want to talk about those things. "I just feel like there are all these walls standing between us and I don't know what to do to make them go away."

He took his scarf from the tin, wrapped it around his neck, and was reaching for the window when he felt a tug on the scarf.

"That man you beat up…he tried to do something to me. Something bad. And he didn't have time because you rushed in when you did, but if you hadn't…"

The word she didn't speak was understood and he broke eye contact. "He said he did. I was afraid to ask."

"It didn't happen."

"I'm glad. You'd had to suffer enough, right?"

Lisanna put her hands on his face and moved his head so he couldn't help but look at her. "All I could think was that you were supposed to be the one. It's something I've wanted since I was young. That I would grow up and you would make into a woman someday. I was thinking about that then, and then you appeared to save me like the big strong hero you are."

"B-But—" never in his entire life had Natsu been as flustered as he was right then, "you're already a woman. You look like a woman. You smell like one. Womanly. You smell womanly."

She gave him a big hug and said, "I forgot about how you say such stupid things when you're nervous. It's cute, you know."

"I forgot about how you say things that make me nervous and then laugh when they make me nervous. You're so mean to me, Lisanna."

She gave him that impish little smile and the accompanying mischievous giggle that he hadn't heard in so long. "It's your fault for being so adorable when you're embarrassed."

Natsu didn't think that they'd ever have another moment like this where she made fun of him and he stammered like an idiot, but it was happening and it made him feel just as happy as it had back then. On a night when he was sad, he somehow found his way to her and she comforted him and he comforted her and now they were relating to each other in the same wonderful way they had back then.

That moment was the one where he suddenly felt hope. Maybe their dreams died, but they hadn't. They were alive and they still cared about each other so much. Even he knew that if there were other women or other friends that there was never going to be another First Friend or First Love.

He could tell she felt the same way from the light in her eyes, but neither of them said anything. Natsu still had no idea how to talk about his feelings and Lisanna felt like this tiny little dream was so fragile that if they spoke about it, it might be crushed by the weight of all those doubts they had.

Lisanna touched his cheek again, and almost as if he was Pavlov's dog, he leaned down and kissed her on the lips. She found it cute, and he decided maybe he'd spent a little too much time thinking about that one perfect day.

Halfway through their kiss, the door to her room was kicked open so hard it just fell over onto the floor and Elfman stomped in with a club in his hand. "BEDROOM INTRUDER!" he shouted as his eyes fell on the intruder engaged in a kiss with his dear baby sister. "Natsu? What are you doing here?"

The dragon slayer gave him an angry glare.

"Elfman! Get out!" Lisanna shrieked.

"But! I heard a man's voice in my sister's room at three in the morning. I'm here to save you."

Natsu crossed his arms then. "Save her from what?"

Elfman pointed his club at the teenage boy that had snuck into his sister's bedroom. "Sneaking into a girl's bedroom is not a man!"

Then came the worst thing of all: a silly, seemingly harmless giggle from Mirajane. "Natsu must have come to see Lisanna through the window. That's actually quite manly, depending on what he intended to do once he got here."

Lisanna screamed again because Mirajane was teasing her, and started pointing at the broken door and demanding her siblings get out while one taunted her about her 'gentleman caller' and the other threatened said visitor with a club.

Amidst this, Natsu opened the window. "I forgot how strange your family is. While you were gone, they were a lot less weird, so I guess it's nice that they're back to being like this. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay?"

Natsu was almost a block away when he heard a male voice shout, "NATSU, YOU ARE NOT A MAN!" echo through the rain.

XXX

The next morning, Lisanna went to her new job filled with so many good feelings, but she was also weighed down by apprehension. That spark of hope that was lit felt so fragile, like it might go out if even the tiniest thing happened. Yet, it still felt like it had grown, because they had those precious few moments where they were them.

She assumed the 'see you tomorrow' was just a figure of speech, but that morning when she had her students outside playing, she looked up to see Natsu and Happy jumping the fence.

Lisanna laughed when she saw Natsu, because he was wearing a cape and these ridiculous-looking horns.

"I'm the Demon Lord Dragneel! Take me down if you dare!" he announced to her little flock of pint-sized students. "If you don't, I'm gonna steal your teacher!"

The kids took one look at this absurd adult and went at him with all their might, and he quickly had kids crawling all over him, telling him he couldn't have their precious teacher for all kinds of reasons. The fact that he was ugly seemed to be their favorite reason, but they were little kids so nothing was more fun than a grown-up that acted like a child. The sillier he acted, the more entertaining it was for them, and there was little he excelled at better than acting stupid.

There were few things Natsu liked better than people that would act this way with him, so everyone seemed to be happy.

Lisanna couldn't help but laugh at him while he tried to lumber his way in her direction with kids hanging onto his legs.

Then he was quickly abandoned when the Save Teacher Defense Force realized there was a flying, talking blue cat there too, since that was way more interesting than an adult acting silly.

Happy found himself surrounded by itty bitty humans that wanted to ask him weird things like whether or not he could talk to normal cats and if they could dress him up in doll clothes and hug him.

"Looks like they like Happy," Natsu said as he observed the swarm around his Exceed friend.

"Almost all kids love animals. And I'm sorry, but you look kind of stupid right now, Natsu. Horns? A cape?" she laughed.

He smirked at her and put his hands on his hips. "I was going to be a ninja, but I've heard I don't make a very convincing ninja," and then, he added a mockingly despondent, "nin-nin," and frowned.

The woman couldn't help but smile if he was going to be that cute. It was impossible not to. "I'm kind of surprised you came."

"I'm going on a job for a few days, so I wanted to see you before that. For some reason, I thought it would be a lot of fun to wear a stupid costume. Actually, I just wanted an excuse. I think the Demon Lord Dragneel is pretty awesome. Don't you?"

This was the crazy, funny, affable Natsu that she'd missed so much for so long. Even though they weren't really back to where either of them wanted to be, every smile made that tiny little hope grow a little more.

Natsu didn't stay long and they didn't really talk about anything important, but he'd shown up, given her his best, and promised to come back to see her again after his job.

They were both happy.

Before he left, he knelt and gestured for the kids to come close. "I'm going away for a few days, so I have to leave Miss Lisanna to you guys. Make sure you take good care of her, and be extra good, because you guys are lucky you get to spend all day with her."

XXX

After work, Lisanna returned home to find Mirajane and Elfman preparing dinner together, which she knew was just a really indirect way of waiting for her to come home so they could interrogate her about Natsu.

All eyes on her when she stepped through the door, she sighed and said, "You guys are relentless. I thought leaving for work before you were awake would save me."

"We're your older siblings. You can't be saved from our love. Or our prying eyes, morbid curiosity, and desire to spy on you," Mira sweetly answered, "Were you two really kissing? Elfman said he thought he saw you in a very heated kiss."

Lisanna sat down at the table. "I don't kiss and tell. You guys realize Natsu has come in through my window and slept in my bed probably over a hundred times, right? It's kind of his thing."

"I knew he does that to Lucy sometimes. I heard her complaining about waking up next to him," her sister replied.

As soon as she said it, she knew she'd hit one of Lisanna's nerves. If Natsu did it to her first and then moved on to Lucy, it was something that understandably made her a little sore, but Lisanna really hadn't expressed any bitterness toward Lucy.

This time, Lisanna managed to say, "Why would anyone complain about that?"

Mira served her a cup of tea and then sat down at the table. "Most women become very upset when a man sneaks into their room and sleeps in their bed. Imagine how you'd feel if you woke up next to somebody like…Laxus?"

Lisanna nearly spat her tea on the table. Suddenly images of waking up with Laxus in her bed filled her mind, and all she could think was that the only choice she'd have would be, "Yeah, if that happened, I'd take-over tiger and scratch him up."

Her older sister sipped her own tea. "But he's the kind of guy that likes that kind of thing. I think the best way to ward off Laxus would be to tell him you want to be his wife and bear him many children. You'd never see him again."

"And just how do you know that?" Lisanna inquired with a suspicious eyebrow waggle that made even Mirajane blush.

"You women! Stop this nonsense right now! Don't talk about men and beds in the same sentence. That's not a man!" Elfman exclaimed.

Lisanna smiled warmly at her beloved but annoying older siblings. "You guys have no idea how wonderful it is to be here with you guys again. I can't stress that enough."

Her older sister leaned over. "…so? Are you and Natsu back together?"

"Back together? I don't think so. Natsu and I don't really work that way, Mira. I can't really talk about it. It's private."

Mira pouted a bit. "You're no fun, Lisanna. I had no idea you and Natsu had even kissed. Was last night the first time?" When her sister just took another gulp of the hot tea, she excitedly exclaimed, "It wasn't! You were kissing before last night? Does that mean even before Edolas? Lisanna! You have to tell me! How many times is my little sister going to fall in love?"

"Just once."

_**Special thanks to Max Tiger, Gentleman Moriarty, BwdYeti000, Claire-Starsword, Lisa, and Lucifer.94 for reviewing! **_


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